Ping Pong Doubles: a provocation

 "Among all my recollections, among all the numberless sensations of my life, the memory of the lone murder I committed weighed heaviest on my mind."  — A great russian author

Imagine you had a long day at work. As you tuck into bed, a gentle breeze blows into your room. And then the noise. The relentless shrieks from the all-night table tennis community club building adjacent to your apartment, making it hard for you to sleep. You look out the window and it's the same ragtag gang playing ping pong at an hour close to midnight. You slam your window shut and curse these horribly inconsiderate players.

Table tennis began as a relatively silent gentlemen's parlour / spectator sport, save the applause of course. It's only when it started to popularize, when the amateur blowhards, hacks, hags and randos started getting together for doubles, when you get something more akin to the noisest booth at a fun fair. So imagine having to deal with complaints as a community leader because of people making too much noise playing four people ping pong.

I don't know about my female counterparts but I now have a working hypothesis for why some men like to play table tennis doubles despite its lameness. It's this: they were once traumatised by losing a singles game 11-0, perhaps in straight sets, in front of an audience to add to the humiliation. Doubles, where the blame for the rare occurence of 11-0 can at least be shared and diffused, then became a permanent refuge. A refuge from each they never returned, to real table tennis. (Just to be clear, I do enjoy mixed doubles and at its best, it's no less enjoyable than singles).

But if my hypothesis is valid, then I would have contributed to the popularization of the men's doubles format which is arguably the worst way to play ping pong, especially when there's no prize money to win. You can always see the look of utter boredom on the face of a real male table tennis player when compelled to play doubles in a non-competitive setting, with any number of bygone talents and mediocrities. The takeaway then for every skilled player at 10-0 then is this: don't do it. They - your vanquished opponent - might start to play doubles.